Thank you, friends. I see your messages and feel the love…

(Somehow these #Pepper pictures capture my pathos best—particularly since I’m not trying to contribute to the glut of smoke and fire photos.) Relieved my fellow Angelenos relate, and taking deep breaths—just not too deep—grateful to have not been affected (you know what I mean). Allowing myself to feel all the feelings, while staying vigilant. (Oddly, I hadn’t planned for a #dryjanuary, but that’s what it’s been — between all social events cancelled, and too afraid to imbibe for fear that I might be called to evacuate). I guess that’s a silver lining? Desperately seeking one…

#photoby @mikemekash c/o @afxstudio #ilovela #losangeleshorrorstory #americanhorrorstory

Current mood.

I’ve been uncharacteristically withdrawn from social media this week. Triggered by all the intense images I see… Reluctant to mark myself “safe” cuz that doesn’t even seem like a thing… Embarrassed to reach out since I can’t stop sobbing, even when all I’ve personally lost is my manicure… Scared to leave the house cuz what if it’s not there when I get back… Self-judgement knowing that’s unreasonable… Heartbroken for those that’s happened to… Exhausted by the constant alerts and helicopters and sirens… Averse to leaving town cuz I’m just not ready to rip all your #Pepper pictures off the walls, unless… it were to come to that. I can’t even go there in my mind. I have never experienced fear like this. Regardless of how this eventually ends, your friends in LA are gonna need therapy (and some juicy, pathos-filled roles to exorcize all these emotions).

#photoby Mike Mekash c/o AFX Studio #ilovela #currentmood #americanhorrorstory